John Gray describes very beautifully the 5 steps and path of success for a wonderful relationship. I think these are the steps we should always make them. If we skip one of them relationship will work, but the connection will not be the best possible.
1. 4 TYPES OF ATTRACTION:
* Physical * Emotional * Mental * Spiritual
At this stage couples share their positive side with each other, yet maintain their authenticity. They continue to look around, date many people, and gain experience with others. To sustain the attraction with one person, they ask themselves, is it possible to get what we need from this person on these attraction levels?
2. UNCERTAINTY:
This is a stage where couples are not sure if the person they are with is the "one" for them. Often couples bail out to soon. Men tend to back off from contacting the woman. Uncertainty is normal at this stage and does not mean they are not "right" for each other.
Before he can decided if he wants to be exclusive. He should ask himself three questions: Could I possible be the "right man for her? Could I possible have what it takes to make her happy? Do I care for her and do I miss her when I am away from her?
During this stage while a woman waits she asks: Where is the relationship going? Did I do something wrong since he is not calling? Is there some one else? Will he call? When will he call? What can I do to gain his attention? This is the time to stay open, and active in her own life. Not a time to give more of herself in hope that he will give back. Using this time a woman reflects on what she is getting from the man, and does she want to continue to the next stage with him.
If the answers to these questions are affirmative then they are ready to move into the next stage where the couple temporarily stop dating others, and start focusing attention on each other. This is the time to experiment with this one person and to give this relationship a chance and dig for the gold.
For a man it is the time to do little things for the woman to test if he has the power to make her happy. Men bond with women through being successful in providing for her happiness, comfort and fulfillment. This is the stage where a man pursues the woman and decides if he wants to bond with her. After they have bonded and have moved to the Exclusive stage, then the woman can begin to share some of the expenses and doing little things for him. Still, on a romantic date he should always be the provider.
When they feel their dating partner has the potential to be a mate they are then ready to move onto stage three.
3. EXCLUSIVITY:
John Gray says that about the third date men usually decide he wants to be exclusive. As in baseball, it is generally three strikes and he either gets on base or he's out. At this stage the focus is on having a primary romantic relationship and avoid any other relationships on the side. They build a foundation that allows them to open their hearts, give freely, fully, and truly love each other. It is also the stage to address the four levels of intimacy they want to go. They are as follows:
* Kissing and affection
* Heavy petting
* Exploration
* Full stimulation without intercourse
* Intercourse
The temptation at this point is for men to stop talking now that he has her. It is not a time to back off but to continue to give to her. This is the stage where he establishes an emotional desire to please her. This develops into a genuine interest in who she is. Which has a chance to turn into love. For women to assume that he knows what she wants and she doesn't need to ask, she does and this is a time for her to focus on what she is receiving.
4. INTIMACY:
When we feel a connection with our partner on all four levels: physical-emotional-mental-spiritual then we are ready for intimacy. When we are turned onto our partner on all four levels we are ready for stage four.
Physical: creates desire and arousal
Emotional: creates affection, caring and trust
Mental: creates interest and receptivity
Spiritual: opens our hearts creating love, appreciation and respect.
The more intimacy a man feels for a woman the more he needs to periodically pull away and be alone. This in and out urge is in all men and connected to high levels of testosterone. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It is important that the woman doesn't chase after him but allows him space. Although the man is the primary giver on occasion they switch roles and the woman gives.
5. ENGAGEMENT:
Moving through the first four stages we gain information that lets us know if we want to spend the rest of our life with this one person. The proposal is the most cherished memory of a life time and the most important gift a man can give a woman, and paves the way for a great marriage, A time to celebrate their love for each other. By maintaining the approach of apologies and forgiveness builds further trust.
* Physical * Emotional * Mental * Spiritual
At this stage couples share their positive side with each other, yet maintain their authenticity. They continue to look around, date many people, and gain experience with others. To sustain the attraction with one person, they ask themselves, is it possible to get what we need from this person on these attraction levels?
2. UNCERTAINTY:
This is a stage where couples are not sure if the person they are with is the "one" for them. Often couples bail out to soon. Men tend to back off from contacting the woman. Uncertainty is normal at this stage and does not mean they are not "right" for each other.
Before he can decided if he wants to be exclusive. He should ask himself three questions: Could I possible be the "right man for her? Could I possible have what it takes to make her happy? Do I care for her and do I miss her when I am away from her?
During this stage while a woman waits she asks: Where is the relationship going? Did I do something wrong since he is not calling? Is there some one else? Will he call? When will he call? What can I do to gain his attention? This is the time to stay open, and active in her own life. Not a time to give more of herself in hope that he will give back. Using this time a woman reflects on what she is getting from the man, and does she want to continue to the next stage with him.
If the answers to these questions are affirmative then they are ready to move into the next stage where the couple temporarily stop dating others, and start focusing attention on each other. This is the time to experiment with this one person and to give this relationship a chance and dig for the gold.
For a man it is the time to do little things for the woman to test if he has the power to make her happy. Men bond with women through being successful in providing for her happiness, comfort and fulfillment. This is the stage where a man pursues the woman and decides if he wants to bond with her. After they have bonded and have moved to the Exclusive stage, then the woman can begin to share some of the expenses and doing little things for him. Still, on a romantic date he should always be the provider.
When they feel their dating partner has the potential to be a mate they are then ready to move onto stage three.
3. EXCLUSIVITY:
John Gray says that about the third date men usually decide he wants to be exclusive. As in baseball, it is generally three strikes and he either gets on base or he's out. At this stage the focus is on having a primary romantic relationship and avoid any other relationships on the side. They build a foundation that allows them to open their hearts, give freely, fully, and truly love each other. It is also the stage to address the four levels of intimacy they want to go. They are as follows:
* Kissing and affection
* Heavy petting
* Exploration
* Full stimulation without intercourse
* Intercourse
The temptation at this point is for men to stop talking now that he has her. It is not a time to back off but to continue to give to her. This is the stage where he establishes an emotional desire to please her. This develops into a genuine interest in who she is. Which has a chance to turn into love. For women to assume that he knows what she wants and she doesn't need to ask, she does and this is a time for her to focus on what she is receiving.
4. INTIMACY:
When we feel a connection with our partner on all four levels: physical-emotional-mental-spiritual then we are ready for intimacy. When we are turned onto our partner on all four levels we are ready for stage four.
Physical: creates desire and arousal
Emotional: creates affection, caring and trust
Mental: creates interest and receptivity
Spiritual: opens our hearts creating love, appreciation and respect.
The more intimacy a man feels for a woman the more he needs to periodically pull away and be alone. This in and out urge is in all men and connected to high levels of testosterone. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It is important that the woman doesn't chase after him but allows him space. Although the man is the primary giver on occasion they switch roles and the woman gives.
5. ENGAGEMENT:
Moving through the first four stages we gain information that lets us know if we want to spend the rest of our life with this one person. The proposal is the most cherished memory of a life time and the most important gift a man can give a woman, and paves the way for a great marriage, A time to celebrate their love for each other. By maintaining the approach of apologies and forgiveness builds further trust.
an article from: http://learning-curve.blogspot.com/2005/07/john-grays-mars-and-venus-on-date.html
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